Being preggers is awesome! I’m not puking or feeling sick or anything. I am just running off pure manic elation! 
10Mar/120
So Far, So Good!
March 10th, 20124Feb/122
February 4th, 2012
A mother’s joy begins when new life is stirring inside… when a tiny heartbeat is heard for the very first time, and a playful kick reminds her that she is never alone.
14Oct/1115
October 14th, 2011
I was just about to give up and call to cancel these “useless” supplements, when what to my wondering eyes do appear — not one, but TWO, lines to tell me that baby is here! It took me just over 3 months to see results, but by God, the hippie supplements work. Take that, corporate drug companies and expensive medical procedures – I don’t need either of you! Man, you’d think I’d just won the Pulitzer, a Nobel Peace Prize, or a Grammy based on my reaction. I know people become pregnant every day, but I was starting to doubt it’d happen to me. My mother-in-law is still going to be a pain in my you-know-what, but it’s always better that she’s happy, rather than demanding. Sorry, Bri, if it’s a girl… she’s being named Stefani Angelina after Gaga… it has to happen! A boy? Eeeeee… boy names are so hard… but we could totally do a Stefan Joseph! Muah-haha. Remember, doll, “A happy wife is a happy life!”
14Oct/114
October 14th, 2011
Months 3 and 4 just came in the mail, along with more tests to drive me crazy. Hm, lemme guess… will I ovulate this month? Yes. Will I get pregnant? No. Gah, what is wrong with me? I’m trying not to take this personal, but I can’t help but feel like I need to atone for my sins or something. Was it Jessie Miller who I mercilessly picked on in 4th grade because she wore unfashionable hand-me-downs from the 70s? Was it that one-night-stand I never called back who (I later learned) went on Prozac and underwent extensive therapy, thanks to cruel, heartless moi? Was it the time I promised my sister I’d babysit so she could go to a wedding but found myself too hung over to even call her and cancel? I’ve got a few skeletons in my closet, but who doesn’t? I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying to start a new life. I’ve been a fairly decent human being since I got married. I’m sure it’s purely biological, but I’m too chicken to see a doctor about it, so I may never know!
14Oct/113
October 14th, 2011
Good grief. False alarm. My preggers test was an epic fail. I got nothing. “Maybe if I just keep peeing a line will eventually show?” I thought. “Maybe if I wait longer, it’ll show?” Then I got the d@mn evaporation line and psyched myself out only to have my sister tell me what an idiot I am. You’re not doing it right, doodoohead. Yeah, we’re still 5 years old at heart. We hate each other and love each other. It’s beautiful. So yeah, looks like it’s another month of this Fertibella experiment.
14Oct/114
October 14th, 2011
Sex was so hot last night. I’m pregnant. I’m sure of it. I must’ve orgasmed 10x… no joke. I know it’s not very ladylike of me to say, but whatever. I am trying to make sweet love and have a little bundle of joy as the result. I want to be able to tell my kid one day that he or she was the natural byproduct of a totally healthy adult relationship and a whole lot of passionate love. That’s romantic, right? Probably not… probably kids never want to know that their parents ever had relations. Once I become a parent, I can pretty much kiss my sexual self goodbye and pretend as tho my V is sewn shut. 
Blah. But it will all be worth it… everyone says. And who am I kidding? I become a lunatic whenever my niece comes over. I’m like baking cookies and fingerpainting with her and telling her funny stories just to hear her giggle. Anywho, I’m gonna lay off the booze, take this preggers test in a couple weeks, and get back to you on this.
Blah. But it will all be worth it… everyone says. And who am I kidding? I become a lunatic whenever my niece comes over. I’m like baking cookies and fingerpainting with her and telling her funny stories just to hear her giggle. Anywho, I’m gonna lay off the booze, take this preggers test in a couple weeks, and get back to you on this. 14Oct/114
October 14th, 2011
OMG. Doesn’t it friggen figure? I start taking this Fertibella business and don’t I get my bloody period hardly a week in? I guess I can just forget about getting preggers within the first bottle of pills, now can’t I? Lousy rotten luck! Brian has been busy steering clear of me. I’ve had more than a few mood swings in the months since I’ve been off my BCPs, so he knows that this week is time to hang with the guys. Surprisingly, I haven’t been a witchy woman this week… all the usual nightmarish PMS symptoms have been diminished. That in itself is reason enough to take Fertibella.
14Oct/113
October 14th, 2011
Part II of my saga involves stumbling across the Fertibella site at 3 in-the-morning, totally drunk, clutching onto my credit card for no apparent reason other than to order a fertility aid extremely spontaneously. The next day, I thought maybe I should have given this some more consideration, but the website spoke to my delirious mind. They promised to combat 7 types of fertility issues, all the while giving me no side effects and free sh*t (ovulation/preggers tests). F’ing RAD. That’s what I thought. I was on birth control for so many years, I am totally down for taking a daily pill to help me become more fertile. That’s as easy as it gets! I hoped to God I wouldn’t need to be poked and prodded. My aunt’s got horror stories. NO thanks!
14Oct/118
October 14th, 2011
Here’s the deal. I’m sick of people getting all up in my grill about babymaking. What the christ? You’re married for a year and suddenly your mother-in-law is your keeper? I swear, this woman has my ideal due date marked on her calendar and she’s already been calling around to find restaurants for my baby shower and she’s busy knitting baby blankets. Brian is playing it cool, but he told me kids were a dealbreaker issue for him. Part of me doesn’t give a f*** you know? I’d be happy just playing wifey. I wouldn’t have to find a sitter when I want to club it up or feel guilty when I need to cut loose and have a few. I guess what I’m saying is that… motherhood is a BIG CHANGE! Is anyone ever really ready for that? The f#$% if I know. All I know is that it’s only going to get harder and harder with age as my body craps out, so I need to get this show on the road. The only problem is… I can’t! I know it sounds crazy. I’ve got a hot little body on me, only it works like total and utter crap. It’s awful. Maybe the Pill is to blame. After all, I was on that sh*t for 9 years straight! (Yes, that’s right… if you do the math, I was on BCP’s from the tender young age of 16 through 25… my mom must’ve thought I was a total slutbag, but whatever… in this day and age, better safe than sorry, right?!) But thankfully, we live in the age of technology, where the answer to everything is at our fingertips… so there was a solution.
